I didn’t discover my primary love language till four days ago and boy did it make sense. As in so much sense that I began to see why the majority of people I’ve talked to have crumbled to dust. Since we’re going to talk about love, it only makes sense that I’m real about it, and there’s no better way of being real than talking from real-life experiences. Yes, that means that I’ll be sharing some home truths from my own past experiences, because who doesn’t love a few throwbacks from the past right. So, before I start talking about what my love language is, I’ll share the 5 love languages by Dr. Gary Chapman and what they’re defined by.
What are the love languages?
Acts of Service: Doing something for your partner that you know they would like. These can vary from actions such as cooking a meal, washing dishes and vacuuming floors. All of these are acts of service to show not only appreciation but love.
Quality Time: When it comes to quality time, there is nothing that says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Nothing makes you feel more special and truly loved than a person that is really there for you. Things such as postponed dates, distractions and failure to listen can be hurtful, especially when it comes from the person you love.
Gifts: Here we’re not discussing the materialistic aspect of gifts, but the meaning behind the gifts that you receive. If this is your love language, you seek a gift that says, “He/She was thinking about me. Look what he/she got for me.”
Physical Touch: So before you start squealing in your chairs, I’m referring to physical touch beyond sex, such as holding hands, hugging, kissing and simple hand gestures, all these are expressions of love. These basic physical touches (no matter how small) are motions of communication which reaffirm your partner’s love for you.
Words of Affirmation: Actions don’t necessarily always speak louder than words. Often what you seek from your other half are unsolicited compliments which mean the world to you. Hearing the reasons behind the words such as love sends your spirits skyward. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up, rather than tear you down because of the world nice and you should like it.
What’s my love language?
Now that you know all the 5 love languages and what they each entail, maybe you’ve had the chance to spot out what your primary love language in a relationship is (or maybe not). You may also be curious to find out what I discovered my primary love language is, and that is……Quality Time. After reading what someone with this love language demanded, the more I found myself relating to it, especially when I started to think back on why most of my relationships failed or never actually started. I’m the type of person that gets triggered when activities have been planned, just for him to turn around to say “Oh, I can no longer make it”, and after the efforts, I went through to look my extra best or maybe clear my schedule. Now that boy is just rude as hell. If we organize something, I expect both parties to make it, unless there’s a reasonable excuse that cannot be avoided. I want to not only spend quality time with you, but I want the chance to be able to make memories with you (yes I’m the kind of girl that lives for good memories, treasuring them and keeping them).
By doing activities such as dates, simple walks or just a 5-minute call, our relationship is connecting deeper than it was before that said activity. Don’t believe me? Well, I come from a history of ‘talking’ to some guys that could never meet the needs of my love language, yet I’d be there making excuses for them for not having that quality and letting them waste my time. With their “We’ll go next time”, “I’m busy” and “Let’s make another plan?” shenanigans; I was really a fool back then in comparison to my current state of mind. If they didn’t have time to spare for me, then I don’t know why I thought they’d have time for me in the future. Often, we women forget the value we have on ourselves and wait around for those that have no appreciation of that value towards us. I’m not afraid to say that I’m well and truly guilty of falling into that trap. I’ve learned from that and grown to keep up my standards, by not lowering them to match the person that I’m getting to know at the time. If you cannot stick to your personal standards and love languages, your relationship is probably more than likely to fail with it, as it’s not lining with the things that you believe in.
How do I use my love language?
Next, is to think about how you can get the best out of your primary love language (your must-have quality) and your other love languages which are just as equally important to consider when looking for that partner. From past experiences, my personal advice is to implement your love language effectively by using it as your foundation when looking for a partner to have a relationship with. In my case, I’d base my potential partner on quality time and whether their opinions align with that of my faith because I want someone that can continue to walk on the path of faith alongside me. If you’re interested to learn more about this then I suggest you go listen to Michael Todd’s Relationship Goals series on YouTube. He has a great way of explaining the concept to everyone. Don’t be like the old me who would ignore and begin modifying your standards to fit the person you speak with. Stand on what you believe in and don’t play with your heart, because 90% of the time it ain’t worth it at all.